The Short Porch: We Need a New Curse!

We know we’re better than this, but we can’t prove it. — Tony Gwynn

Growing up a Red Sox fan I was used to hearing the phrase “curse of the Bambino” religiously, until 2004 when they broke the curse after 89 long years. We were all delighted to learn that there was another curse yet to be broken — centered around a Billy goat named Murphy.  The lifting of that curse has left a void in baseball bar room conversations as to why a specific team just can’t seem to figure it out. With the regular season set to open in a little under two weeks something seems different about this season from the ones of the past… where’s the curse?

Baseball players are notoriously superstitious, almost to a fault.  From personal experience, I know that you never change socks or walk up songs when you are on a hitting streak. You never, EVER, tell a pitcher that he has a perfect game going. Even fans “contribute” to it by never changing the lucky shirt they swear they have worn the last time the team made a stretch, only stopping the win streak when they are forced by the people around them to wash the garment. Do they not know how important this is!?  Somehow you hold the keys to your teams wins and losses, it’s never that your team just didn’t play well; it’s the stinky socks that are in control. Maybe these are the secrets to whether a curse lasts or is shrugged off.

Baseball needs another curse to spice up the season again and I know the team deserves it the most.  Let me clarify I have no problem with this team and the players that they have, I do have a problem with the new owners and what they – HE – did.  The league won’t punish him because they need the Yankees to be back in the spotlight that has been empty since HE left.

Jeter… Derek Jeter. The former Yankee great who decided to buy a team and sell off everything in the name of hitting the reset button and looking to the future. But when you have such a popular superstar that most teams would kill to have, why settle on trading for fringe prospects and an “eh” 2nd baseman who is 28? I must take matters into my own hands. This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt them… Well, okay it won’t, but you get the picture.

I am cursing the Miami Marlins. I am bringing on the “Curse of the Stantino”. Hell, I like the Marlins, they are one of my 29 favorite teams.  But the actions of the owner, the one called Jeter, shall not go unpunished.  So, what does the “Curse of the Stantino” entail? (besides sounding more like a bad yelp review of a cocktail than a formidable franchise crippling curse).  They will not win another trade again! None! Maybe they can get near fair value but in the end, they will be known as the team that gave up “Player X” for scraps.  There will be constant conversations of what if.  “What if we had kept him and not gave him up for…” Its so cruel I almost don’t want to put it in print. “What if’s” plague the present by trapping you in history, making the enjoyment of today secondary to imaginary glory of yesterday. There will be no world series win until Jeter has decided to sell the team (or relocate them to Portland, Oregon — Rep the Rose City). For his part in the Stanton to Yankees trade Derek Jeter will never again have an ice cold carbonated beer.  I don’t know if he is a big beer drinker or not, but nothing is worse than opening a warm, flat beer.

Have I gone too far?  Do I not understand that owners have a right to restart a franchise and get out from under crippling contracts?  I get it, but I feel that this trade was to reward Jeter’s former team and help to make them a powerhouse again. It’s “Once a Yankee, Always a Yankee” and for that I’m hoping some hipster from Brooklyn will try to bring in his “therapy” goat named Murphs and will be asked to leave, thus reinstating the 2nd most famous curse to happen to a baseball team. History always repeats itself if we don’t learn from it the first time, so let this be a warning to any other former player that wants to buy a team and trade the best player for scraps: You will be cursed. Play Ball.

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