The Short Porch: Slump-Dog Millionaire

“Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.”

Yogi Berra

Week 2 in the books and history was made this week. We got some good streaks and some bad slumps, but first let’s lead off with the good.

The Mariners made history with a HR in each of their first 15 games. Seriously is this team in rebuild mode or not? Now, to the slumps: Sadly, history was made this week when Chris Davis went hitless extending his slump to 0-47, breaking the record previously held by Eugenio Velez who went hitless in his last 9 at bats in 2010 and then opened 2011 going 0-37, not surprising it was his last year playing in the big leagues. Usually when you go that long as a position player and not get a hit you are optioned down to the minors or just released.  Chris Davis signed a 7-year $161 million-dollar contract in 2016 and is still owed 96 million so releasing him and paying him to sit at home is not an option for the rebuilding Orioles. They are going to play him. The season is long, and he has a chance to figure it out and get his swing back soon. He is in an epic slump but if it is one thing baseball players know it is how to break out of the slump. Chris is an avid reader of The Short Porch so I would like to offer some support and help Chris break out of his slump.

I go through a ton of slumps when I play. Technically I don’t get in a slump because I can’t hit, but the tips I’ve picked up should translate better to someone who has talent and doesn’t live vicariously through a video game character turned up to 99 in all categories (you know we all do it don’t lie).  “If you can’t do, teach” right?

First thing first, you must improve the mental aspect of it all. Being in a slump like this will undoubtedly lead to questioning if you are any good anymore. Every morning when you wake up walk to the mirror and repeat this phrase. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh dang it people like when I hit dingers”.

Secondly, I need you to rewind and set everything back to as if it were 2015 again.  I mean all the clothes you wore, break ‘em out. Redecorate your house back to what it looked like in ’15. This should reset your mind to think this was all a bad dream and you can mash again.

Thirdly, get off the social media (please make sure to visit our social media sites for more quality product from the Uncovering Sports team).   

Fourth, and maybe most importantly grow a beard.  It is a proven fact that a beard will boost abilities if it can grow and flow.  Put down that razor and grow a beard that will rival Charlie Blackmon or Dallas Keuchel.  

Lastly, you need to get a new bat, preferably one that was made from a tree that was destroyed by lightning.  Once you have obtained said bat, make a case for it and label it “Slump Buster”. In case of emergency break it open whilst singing “Who ya gonna call? SLUMP BUSTER” along the tune of the Ghost Busters theme song.

All jokes aside this slump must be eating away at a player who put up 47 home runs in 2015 and looked like he could be one of the next generation of sluggers. Maybe he had some help that is now banned or maybe this is just a prime example of why you don’t sign a guy to a monster contract just because he hit close to 50 Home Runs in a season, because he also struck out 208 times that year.  Good luck the rest of the year Chris and I personally am rooting for you to go on a stretch that will make some people forget about this slump. Tomorrow is always another day and another game. Play Ball.

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